How to Create a Caregiver Network
When Bill Withers wrote the lyrics to “Lean On Me” based on his experiences growing up in rural West Virginia, he gave us a reminder that we’re all going to have a turn at both the caregiver and the care receiver role. “Lean on me, When you’re not strong, And I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t be long, Till I’m gonna need somebody to lean on.”
There’s no shame in needing help and there’s also no shame in asking for help. We are all at different stages of the journey.
Some of us have more recently accepted a caretaker role for an older adult. Some of us might be caring for multiple family members or be caught between work demands, children at home and increased responsibility for someone with daily needs. Some of us embarked a long time ago into the process of supporting someone through diminished capacities and may feel like we are struggling to hold it all together. And some of us may be at a distance from a loved one who needs our help and we are trying to figure out what actions can be taken even in our physical absence.
The most important thing to remember is that studies have shown that the best care and a higher quality of life tend to come from being connected to a larger social network. This means that if there is an individual in a primary caregiver role, one of their most important tasks is to build and maintain a group of people who can step in and fill some of the tasks and daily maintenance that need doing.
There are a number of ways to widen the circle of care so that the burden does not rest too much on a single individual. This takes forethought and planning to implement but can make a tremendous difference in the wellbeing of all involved. Because each situation is individual, any combination of the following six suggestions might be useful.
Engage Family Members in Planning
Taking the time to talk through a care plan with key family members can establish some groundwork and cooperation well before any kind of crises situation occurs. Include those being cared for in the conversation. Consider cost of care and what each member of the family might be able to contribute to that care. Write down the plan and follow up as things change.
Invite Family Members, Friends and Neighbors to Help
Keep a running list of the tasks that are needed - bringing books from the library, walking a dog, throwing in a few loads of laundry, transportation to an appointment, a visit or phone call. Consider setting up a calendar to make the interactions predictable and reliable. There is a plethora of online caregiving platforms that make this kind of organizing easy because the volunteer reminders can be sent out automatically. You could even solicit phone calls and cards from people who are far away. Technology can be a huge help in keeping others in the loop through a weekly email message or blogpost, or even Facebook updates. This might be a job to delegate to someone who enjoys this type of communication.Identify Community Resources
Contact your local Senior Center, Recreation Center and County Health Department for resources available in the community. This might lead you to a caregiver support group where you can learn strategies and tips from others doing the same work. You can also gain awareness of available therapies, home safety reviews, free transportation, and adult programs in your area. Another growing community resource is professional products and services that can come right to your door - grocery delivery, laundry pick-up, prepared meals, housekeeping, and medical house calls. Getting some of these established and part of a routine well in advance of dire need will pay dividends.
Reach Out to Religious Organizations
Many congregations, temples and synagogues are a good place to find helping hands. Belonging to such a group and building friendships can be a source of emotional and social support for older adults and provide an added meaningful dimension to life.
Hire a Professional Caregiver or Companion
If your goal is to keep your loved one at home but your ability to be there with them is limited, bringing a part or full-time professional in to provide companionship and to support Activities of Daily Living (ADL’s) can be a game changer.
Understand the Legal Issues
Does your loved one have a will, a living will, and powers of attorney for their healthcare and finances? If not, these are essential documents that you will want to have in place. Family members or friends will need to agree upon who will be handling finances, have their name on bank accounts and signing documents and checks in an emergency. You will need to know where to find their legal documents, including house deeds, titles to cars, and insurance policies. You will need to review how bills are being managed and paid and whether the system is working. Finding a trusted Estate Planning Attorney to help you update and review existing documents will bring peace of mind.
So it turns out that rugged individualism does not lend itself to successful caretaking. Finding those people and resources that can expand the circle of care and share the burden is essential for both the givers and the receivers. We all need someone to lean on!
The team at Hillsborough Wills & Trusts has the expertise to help you Build Your Circle of Security.